So, this is a repurposed blog from some time ago, and on the original blog, I said I was "frustrated" by people looking for the bloody SPARK. Now I am pissed off 😖as more and more mature daters seem to miss this point repeatedly!!
I have seen many people dismiss a relationship based on an instant attraction to a photo, or when they meet someone, their face, shoulders, and whole demeanour drop as soon as they lay eyes on them.
I don’t know how this apparently all-important “spark” has reached legendary status in the dating world and seems to be a distinct requirement for singles over 50 and even more prevalent with singles over 60!
I will say that the most difficult people to get to understand this simple theory are the ones who have been or still are online dating. They have become ingrained with swiping, and if the picture doesn't stack up - even though the profile may be a great match, they decline an introduction!
Some others think if there’s not this immediate lightning bolt of attraction the moment they meet, then that means there’s nothing worth pursuing. One guy recently told me he would know if someone was right for him within five minutes of meeting them.😵💫 Let's say he is currently undergoing some sessions with our Relationship & Dating Coach Melinda.
I believe that shared values, genuine respect, and commonalities such as a similar sense of humour, various interests, life experiences and beliefs are great starters in anyone's book.
Sparks can come later as you get to know each other better. Have you ever met someone and not been instantly attracted to them, but through conversation and getting to know them, you suddenly fall for them - they make you laugh, are interesting, and are interested in you?
An initial spark does not mean that love will naturally follow. So to dismiss or reject someone immediately for this looks very shortsighted to me. 🤦♀️
I am sure many of you reading this had had that 'initial spark' before and rushed in - did love naturally follow? What was the outcome of the relationship? I would like to know.
Read the profile first; if their values align with yours and you think you have some good things in common, then look at the picture and if it doesn't actually make you 'cringe,' then agree to meet. Look at it with a view to it being a few hours out meeting someone who seems to have quite a lot in common with you and take it from there - nothing lost.
Give yourself a wider chance at finding love and companionship.
All the very best.